Shara and Bear Grylls: ‘Christian faith is the backbone to our marriage’

Shara Grylls is someone you could chat to about anything and everything. She was both down to earth and self-effacing, telling me this was only her second interview, after informing her publishers “No press!” Thankfully, she has succumbed to print media, although TV is still out, in case she says anything that “might embarrass Bear”. 

Jemimah Wright (JW): Can we start with your love story? How did you and Bear meet?

Shara Grylls (SG): We met when we were 23, around New Year. He was going off to Everest a couple of months later, so he was training. I didn’t have a clue about mountaineering. I just thought it was a bit of a hike. I didn’t realise it took three and a half months, going up and down. Nowadays people do it quicker, but in those days it was really hardcore.

We met, and actually, weirdly, we lived on roads next to each other and didn’t realise it. We got together quite quickly, and then he went away for three and a half months. And then we just carried on from that, and got married 18 months after he got back.

JW: Was it a whirlwind?

SG: It definitely was for me. I hope it was for him too. I knew as soon as I met him. I think my parents knew as well. We got married in January 2000, and my father died at the end of that year. Bear’s father died a couple of months after that. It was really wonderful to have each other. Looking back, the timing was just so right – it really does feel like it was meant to be.

JW: Being married young must have been a blessing, now that Bear has become such a household name.

SG: We’ve done the whole journey together. I think that’s been a blessing. We’ve worked it all out together. And it’s been fun. It really has.

JW: How did the idea for your book Never Stop Holding Hands come about?

SG: When we got married, we asked everyone to give us a quote on what they thought made a good marriage. People really took time over it. Most of our friends weren’t married, but parents’ friends and family sent these wonderful things.

A few years later, I got Charlie Mackesy (a close friend) to do some drawings, and I self-published it. It was very low-key. I just had all these quotes and thought: “What can I do with them?” Then it got picked up by an American publisher. 

Then about this time last year, Hodder said: “Your 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. We’d love you to do another one, using the artwork, but asking your friends now”. So I did. We reused the drawings because they’re so fabulous. We’ve actually been married 26 years now, but it still works.

Some of the old quotes are in there, some new ones are in there. Everyone was incredibly generous, and I was really touched.

JW: Dan Snow’s quote really struck me: “Life is harder than I knew at 25. But it would be a lot harder without her. Shoulder to shoulder, checking in, picking up, carrying, being carried, advising, listening, in their corner, side by side in the trenches, adventure abroad, safety at home… love like steel. Constancy in a temporary world”. How have you and Bear weathered hard things together?

SG: Communication. We spend a lot of time apart. In the early days it was much harder – satellite phones, very little contact. But now we talk all the time. We make decisions on the phone or on WhatsApp.

You have to choose to switch off and just be together

We’re huge on communication as a family. We speak to our three boys every day. We speak to our mums and our sisters a lot. There’s nothing unsaid, which I think has actually been really healthy. 

JW: Are you extroverts?

SG: No, we’re introverts. People think Bear’s an extrovert, but he’s not. We’re happiest at home, together, with a few good friends.

JW: You have some Bible passages in the book. Can you share your faith journey?

SG: I was brought up in a Christian household. So was Bear, but mine wasn’t as evangelical as it is now. Bear became introduced to that side of church when he was 16, and then when I met him, he introduced it to me. I’d grown up in a local village church. I got confirmed when I was 19, because I didn’t want to get confirmed when I was younger. I wanted it to really mean something, so I did it after school.

Our Christian faith has been a really big thing for our family and for our marriage, and that’s mainly down to Bear. It’s the backbone to our lives and marriage. 

JW: So what does that look like? Do you pray together as a family?

SG: Yes, we pray together. Bear is really sweet; he prays for me every night, and then I’ll pray for him if he’s worried about things. And he prays for the boys. Our 22-year-old, Jesse, is with us at the moment; he left our room last night, and Bear was like: “No, come back – prayer!” It’s the same thing every night.

JW: Is it possible to go to church and be part of a church community because of Bear’s fame and him being so recognisable? 

SG: Yes, it’s totally fine, I mean, people are really sweet. They might come up and say hello, but that’s fine. We visited a church recently, as we know the vicar, and we just sat there like any member of the congregation – actually with Bear’s mother and our eldest son. I think because Bear has become quite vocal about his Christian faith, people are just really respectful. So Bear’s fame doesn’t really impact our lives.

JW: Have you seen God answer your prayers for protection for Bear?

SG: Oh my goodness, yes. When our eldest was six weeks old, Bear crossed the Atlantic in an inflatable boat. We lost contact for days. It was absolutely terrifying. I prayed constantly. When he finally called, I was beside myself. It had been a pretty dangerous situation. One of the men on the boat, Nigel, said he saw an angel on the bow. He didn’t have faith then, but he does now.

JW: This is a segue from faith, but your three sons have amazing names – Jesse, Marmaduke and Huckleberry. Is there a story behind them?

SG: Well, I just think, when you’re called Bear and Shara, you’re not going to have children called John and Ian! You’re just not. I do feel a bit sorry for them sometimes, actually. Bear posted Marmaduke on Instagram yesterday, and literally the comments were like: “Poor child”. And then people were replying: “Have you heard the other ones?”

So Jesse — we love the name Jesse because it’s such a strong biblical name.

Then Marmaduke means ‘sea captain’. He really suits it. He’s nearly six foot five, and he loves the sea. It really works for him. And it’s also a family name.

And then Huckleberry. Bear first suggested Huckleberry, when I was pregnant and we knew we were having a boy. I was like: “What?”

Bear’s fame doesn’t really impact our lives

My mother said: “Huck doesn’t really rhyme very well”. I kept thinking of other names, but we just kept coming back to it. And now he’s called Huck by his friends – he’s 17 now. As Bear always says, you might not get the job, but you’ll definitely get the interview if you’ve got an unusual name. And I think that’s probably true.

JW: How do you and Bear connect now compared to 25 years ago? You quote Miranda Hart in your book – her marriage advice is: “At least once a week make sure you play. Joy and laughter are the greatest connectors.”

SG: Yes, we still laugh a lot. Life is much busier now, phones are non-stop, and you really have to guard your time. You have to choose to switch off and just be together.

JW: What marriage advice would you give newlyweds?

SG: It’s not all a picnic. You have to work at it. You have to be kind. You have to be patient. Don’t be afraid to lean on each other.

JW: Finally, what is your favourite quote in this book?

SG: I have got so many, that is an impossible question. I mean, genuinely impossible. I love: “For a good marriage, never lose sight of what brought you together in the first place”. And then: “What you give out, you get back”. 

“Never set out to win an argument” – I’m probably not very good at that. Or the one that says: “When you’re right, be silent. When you’re wrong, admit it straight away”. Oh my goodness – I have got so far to go on that one!

And then there’s “Put toothpaste on each other’s toothbrush”.We still do that, 26 years later. And I love that.

“Compliment each other daily” – just little things. Sometimes it’s the really simple ones, not the over-complicated ones, that are the most powerful.

“Encourage, encourage, encourage” – Bear’s mother says that, and it’s so true. I love her one: “Listen first to understand, then to be understood”.  

And then there’s the one that’s almost like a prayer. There’s no name attached to it, but it says something like: “God is always with you. He will always love you. He will protect you, bless you, and perform miracles in your life. Together, love Him together”.

I just think that’s like a blessing over whoever is reading the book.

Shara’s book Never Stop Holding Hands (Hodder & Stoughton) is available now.